A Texas Butterfly

A Texas Butterfly

Saturday, November 7, 2009

A nice day with my wife

Since I started making plans, over a year ago, to actively pursue transition, I have been acutely aware of the stress this has placed on my marriage and my wife. It was the subtle things that told me that there was a problem. Things like the crying, the screaming one day and the silent treatment the next. Ok, from both of us. As a member of the Law Enforcement Community I have undergone rigorous specialized training that allowed me to pickup on these often overlooked clues. Since early in our marriage I have been aware that my dressing caused my wife some grief and concern. But, I have gotten complacent about my job causing her concern. I have taken it for granted that she just accepted that I would be home when I got home. Being the wife of a Law Enforcement Officer AND crossdresser, she has had it with both barrels. I don't do as many things now days that are as dangerous as when I was younger. I used to handle mental commitments, run narcotics search warrants, chase homicide suspects, handle family violence calls, do traffic stops, and numerous other things that put me at risk. It was just part of the job to me. but to my wife, it was torture not knowing when or even if I would be coming home again. And, then add to that, the fact that I believe that I am a woman, and want the life of a woman, and I am surprised that I haven't given her a heart attack, yet.

This past week the "traveling wall", the smaller version of the memorial to honor our fallen military personnel, came to our community. I had been part of the welcome ceremony on Friday and had a preview of it's beauty and wonder. It caused me to swell with emotions, and no, it was not the hormones talking. Saturday we got up early, with a little grumbling on my part, and we visited the wall. It was a very emotional day, seeing the wall, which was complemented by dog tag like plates that symbolize the sacrifices of the men and women who gave their lives in 911. It would be emotional enough on any regular day. But, this day came on the heels of the shooting at Ft. Hood. My wife and I both come from military families, so viewing the wall and talking about the shooting hit close to home. I defy anyone of character and heart to keep from choking up when reading the tens of thousands of names of people who gave their lives for our freedom. We ended up spending about an hour walking around, reading the names, talking to veterans in attendance, and remembering our fathers. We are so glad that we took the time to go.

My wife wanted to go to Dallas this day to do some Christmas shopping, so after making sure she had water and my cup was steaming with coffee, we headed towards Dallas. Diane had looked on-line and knew the shop she wanted to go to was on Preston. Not knowing where on Preston, we first went north from LBJ. We saw a jewelry store, Village Jewelers, that was having an 'up to seventy percent off going out of business sale', and thought we might check it out later in the day. We eventually found the Christmas store just south of LBJ on Preston called Noel Christmas. I love all of the decorations, as long as I'm not the one that has to put them up. The store is laid out well with wide isles and lots of nice merchandise at reasonable prices. We bought a few small things, but to her credit, my wife showed remarkable restraint to only leave with a few items.

Diane was wanting to find some smaller eclectic shops like those in the now defunct Ola Padridas on Coit. I wasn't aware of anything resembling Ola's so I suggested she might find something in the Sam Moon center and off we went. We started out in the affiliated store next to the main store. We found a nice men's toiletry bag and bought it as a switch gift.

Then it was about lunch time and we went to the sandwich/deli shop on the other side of S.M. My meatball sandwich was very good and Diane liked her Chicken Salad sandwich.

Then it was on to S.M. main store. Diane had never been to a Sam Moon and she was amazed at the selection. As usual, most of it was elbow to elbow. Diane wanted a new wallet for her purse. As she was looking, so was I. My women's wallet was getting a little ragged, as well. Diane found one that she liked, and found one already in our basket. She asked about it and I told her it was for me. She just said "Oh, OK", and went on with her shopping. No hint of being upset. She found a watch she liked and got that, too.

After checking out at Sam Moon Diane was ready to tackle Garden Ridge Pottery. I wasn't sure I was as ready. After getting back on LBJ, the more I thought about the sale at the jewelry store the more I wanted to go. I told Diane that I'd like to go by there and she said there wasn't really anything she wanted. I told her that I wanted to look for a gold chain. She asked if I wanted one for me and I told her yes, I wanted a gold necklace for a pendant. She wasn't fazed. She said "OK, let's go look". Diane helped me look for a necklace and deal with the sales lady. Diane asked questions and checked sizes and lengths right along side of me without batting an eye. She really was very helpful, but in the end neither one of us saw anything we thought would work with my pendant. And, with gold being around $1000 an once it may not be a good time to buy even at discounted prices. Oh, BTW, the chains were only 40% off.

Off we went again to Garden Ridge. As we pulled into Town East parking lot, I wondered out loud if the jewelry places in the kiosks at the mall were reputable. Diane told me that most of them were and ask if I wanted to go check some of them out while she shopped at Garden Ridge. I opted to stay with Diane and wait on necklace shopping. She also suggested that I might want to check pawn shops for a good deal on a necklace. I think that is a good idea and will probably follow up on that.

Diane is pretty talented when it comes to flower arrangements so the silk Christmas florals were a must. And, I've never seen anybody that could make a better package bow than Diane, so ribbon was next. They have some really pretty wired Christmas ribbon. I wish I could tie bows like Diane. When we left G.R. we were still a little full from lunch, but ready to head home. We ended up taking I-20 to Lindale and by the time we got there we were ready to eat at Cracker Barrel, one of Diane's favorite places. Breakfast for dinner is such a rebel thing to do, but hey, even we get a little wild sometimes. We wouldn't want to do that very often though. Anarchy might prevail.

All in all, we just had a nice day together even with a couple of "Lindsay" things thrown in there. And, Diane never got upset at Lindsay encroaching on her shopping time. Has Diane's resolve of her non-support softened. Not likely. But, she does love me as I love her, and she wants me to be happy. I hope we can have other days like this in the future. Time will tell.


2 comments:

Suzi said...

Hey GF...Is Diane going to be reading your blogs too?...lol. Denise reads mine.

I must say, you are off to a great start here. You certainly have the right idea. I believe I do understand the Papillion Pages title too. However, you seem to be busy building that escape raft.

It's great to see that you two can still get along and be friends even with all that is going on in your lives. Nonetheless, it still breaks my heart that Diane is not able to assimilate Lindsay's life, even though she has been living with it for many years.

I want to encourage you to keep posting like this. Hopefully you will find it theraputic and useful. I always feel better when I put my thoughts down in words. I've bottled so many of my thoughts up because so many of my sisters hate what I believe and stand for. I'm tempted to start a drab blog where I can really cut loose...lol.

Keep it up GF. I love what you've started. I'm honored to be your first follower. Perhaps I can become acquainted with some of your family and friends through this blog and the comments that follow. Chat soon...
:)Suzi

Suzi said...

Well...I'm waiting.