A New (Legal) Name

I knew the week was going to be a good one. It had literally been years since the thought first entered my mind. What name could I come up with for my new life? Who or what would influence my decision? Would it fit me? How many times would I change my mind and try on another name for size. I have been Lindsay for so long, I had to stop and think what it was that drove me to decide on the name. So, what was it? I don’t know! Honestly, there were no movie or television stars during my High School and College days when I chose the name that caught my attention, or that I lusted over. There were no stand out entertainers named Lindsay. It was just a name that I thought was pretty, as I wished I was. It seemed to flow from the tongue. And it was totally different from my male name, which was a huge plus. I didn’t want a take-off of my male name, I wanted something new for the new me. I’m not knocking any of you that have chosen cute little twists of your birth names. They can be very appropriate for some of us starting a new life. And, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I want to cut all ties to my past life. I have had some wonderful experiences up to now, that I don’t want to forget, including the marriage to my wife and the birth of our daughter. I still love my wife and our daughter is still Daddy’s little girl. But, I am starting a new life, the key word being “new”. So, “Lindsay” gets the call for my new name.

Lindsay was the first name that I seriously considered. Strangely enough, I didn't change or try out other names as my first name. Lindsay seemed to fit me so well. My middle name however, was a different matter. I didn't really think seriously about a middle name until about two years ago when I decided to transition. I thought about how different names would sound together and how they would flow. I tried 'Ellen' and 'Elaine' both which I liked very much. In the end I took the path of an acquaintance of mine. She had taken variations of the names of her children as her names. I thought that would be a way to honor my daughter. So when I came out to my daughter early in 2011, and she was OK with my transition, I asked her if I could take her middle name as my middle name. She thought that was cool, and gave me her blessing. Thus, Lindsay Nicole was to be my name.

It was the day after Memorial Day 2011. I had to be at the District Clerks Office at 8am. It didn’t help that I didn’t get much sleep the night before trying to decide which of three outfits I would wear. I ended up wearing a simple black skirt, with a semi-sheer black and white print blouse and a black cami underneath with simple 2 inch black heels. I was determined I was not going to be late on this most important day. I arrived at the court house with 45 minutes to spare, no small feat for me. Getting through security was a breeze since my outfit was simple and I wore minimal jewelry. I was proud of myself for planning my outfit with security in mind, and getting there in plenty of time. I was smiling as I rode the elevator to the 5th floor and stepped out to, … a locked clerk’s office door and about ten other people waiting in the corridor. There were two benches against one wall and those were occupied so I stood nearby trying to look casual. Other people drifted in after me. After about 15 minutes of standing, a nice gentleman who was seated on one of the benches and had been talking to a female I took to be his wife, stood up and apologized for being rude, and offered me his seat. I graciously thanked him and took the proffered seat. I and about 15 others had to wait another 20 minutes for the clerk’s office to open. After the office opened we took turns checking in with the clerk then waited to go to the court room all together. It seemed that most of the other 15 or so people waiting were in the same court as I was. At around 8:30am the clerk took us up to the court room.

I had no idea what to expect from the Judge. I didn’t even know if the Judge would be a man or a woman. I was hoping to get a female Judge feeling that a woman would be more sympathetic to my cause. I don’t know if that is the case, but it is what I thought at the time. We found out from the Bailiff that one of the other Judges had taken that Tuesday off to extend his Memorial Day weekend, dumping cases that Judge would have heard onto the Judge hearing our cases. Our Judge was none too happy about the extra work load and the fact that the absent Judge had not cleared it with our Judge. I was afraid that might put our, my, Judge in a bad mood which might affect his decision on my case.

The Judge heard all the cases from the other court before starting on the cases in his court. Yes, I had drawn a male Judge. How wonderful. He took six cases before me and I could hear some of the conversations in front of him. If the Judge wasn’t in a bad mood from having to take on another court’s cases, he was at least brusk, to the point, and all business. He denied one woman’s petition because she didn’t have her paper work filled out properly.


Finally it was my turn. I was hoping that the Bailiff would only call my last name because my male name was on my petition. No such luck. He called both my first and last names and I got a few quizzical looks when a woman walked up to the bench after a man had been called. Again being all business the Judge asked me why I wanted to change my name. I explained to him that I was a male to female transsexual in the middle of transition. That was good enough for him and no other questions were asked. He was about to grant the petition and close the case when I interrupted him and asked about the gender marker change. He was unaware that I had asked for a gender marker change and had not even seen the letter from my doctor that I had submitted with the petition in support of the gender marker change. I advised him I had another original, (yes, I had obtained two originals for just this event) and started to pull it from my notebook. He stopped me and told me it did not make any difference because he did not have the authority to change a gender marker. I started to ask, “If you don’t have the authority as a District Judge, who does?” I decided that would get me no where and remained silent. If he thought he didn’t have the authority to change a gender marker, my arguing with him was not going to change his mind.

I had to wait for the rest of ‘our group’ to finish and the clerk came and took us back to her office to finish the paper work. The clerk was really sweet and gave me more certified copies of the court order than I had requested and didn’t charge me for any of them. She wished me luck and I was out before 11am.

It was bitter sweet for me as I was really hoping for the gender marker change, also. But, the feeling of finally being Lindsay legally is so wonderful. I was so pumped up and still am even now.

Introducing Lindsay To My Sisters

It had been almost a year since I had come out to my sisters, and still in that time neither of them had met or seen pictures of Lindsay. It was the summer of 2010, and I guess I was getting a little grumpy from not being Lindsay as much as I wanted or needed. It was actually my wife, Diane, who suggested that I go see my sisters. I had some time off from work that I needed to take, so I called Leslie and asked I could come see her for a week and introduce her to Lindsay. She thought the idea was great and coordinated with my other sister Lin for us to have an all girls week. Of course my girlfriend, Suzi and I, had to do some shopping so I'd have enough nice clothes for a week with my sisters. Any excuse, right Suzi.

All packed, (my word, I can't pack light), I stopped for a couple of days to see a friend on the way to Leslie's, but that's another post. My poor sister was in an apartment because she had had part of her house catch on fire from a lightning strike but her insurance company had set her up with a two bedroom apartment. Leslie was great as I knew she would be. She was very complimentary on my make-up and wardrobe. She was still making arrangements to have her house repaired and I went with her to take care of things. I asked her if she would be embarrassed for me to go with her into Lowe's and other places. She looked at me funny and asked why. I told her that I don't always pass. She told me that I looked more like a woman than a lot of women she's seen and if anybody said anything to me about it she would "punch them in the nose" for me. That's my sister. We took care of her business at Lowe's and a few other places, including gathering some things from her house, and Leslie didn't have to punch anybody out.

That night we went to dinner at a nice Mexican restaurant we both enjoy and had a couple of drinks to celebrate Leslie's "new sister". Back at the apartment later that night Leslie brought out some jewelry bags and set them in front of me. Leslie told me that after I had come out to her and told her about watching the girls of the family split up Mom's jewelry, she felt so bad that I had missed out on all the girl stuff. She had gone through her jewelry box and picked out some things she thought I would like, some Mother's, some her's, and she wanted me to have them. We hugged and cried sporadically as she showed me the jewelry. There were some really nice pieces, necklaces, bracelets, and rings but there was one item that had caught my eye. It was a James Avery butterfly key ring that had been Mother's and I remembered seeing it on Mother's keys. Since butterflies are kind of my thing, and I knew that was special to Mother, it was special to me. It went on my keys right then. I didn't care who saw it or if they thought it was gay or sissy. It had been Mother's and now it was mine.

Leslie and I drove to Lin's house and we stayed there a couple of days. One day we all went and had pedicures. Another day we went shopping. I had been looking for a pair of nice slacks that would go with a particular blouse I had, and Lin and Leslie helped me look for the right color. We didn't find the right color slacks, but we did have fun trying on clothes. I'd be in the dressing room and Lin and Leslie would bring me things they thought would look good on me and I would model some of the outfits. I'm sure some of the other ladies in the store got a kick out of the three giggling women. Then we went a few store down to an accessories store call Charming Charlie's. It was mind blowing. What a store. If you haven't been to one you need to find one in your area. I ended up buying several pairs of earrings there. The whole week was wonderful. We were just three sisters doing things any sisters or girlfriends would do. I haven't laughed or had that much fun in a long time. On the last night I was to spend with my sisters we dressed up semi-fancy and went to a nice restaurant. During the meal Lin and Leslie made a toast to "Sisters" which made me tear up. They were so wonderful and I know I'm a lucky girl to have such great sisters.

Coming out to my sisters

For many years I had wanted to tell my youngest sister about Lindsay. She and I have always had a bond. Because of one thing or another it just never seemed to be the right time. In the summer of 2009 our mother was very sick, and the 'kids' took turns taking care of her, with the brunt of the work falling on Leslie, my youngest sister. Mom ended up passing that summer and we were left with the tasks of selling the house and dividing property, ect. When we were dividing property the girls in the family had spread Mom's jewelry out on the dinning room table and they took turns choosing pieces they each wanted. I so much wanted to join in and pick a few pieces for myself. It was agonizing to sit in the kitchen watching them, fighting back the tears, and wanting to yell, 'damn it, it's my turn'. I finally went up behind my wife and whispered into her ear, 'please get me something for me'. I was astounded when we got home and found out that Diane had gotten me several things, mostly necklaces and bracelets, but they were Mom's, and now, they were mine. I was very pleased.

A few weeks later I took a U-Haul down to pick up the big things that Diane and I wanted. She had stayed home. My youngest brother and his wife were there to help me load things, and oh, so smoothly talked me into taking things I didn't want for the sake of getting the things out of the house. And they were slick. Of course, Leslie was there, too. After completely stuffing my truck and a U-Haul, my brother and his wife went home leaving Leslie and I alone in the house drinking a glass of wine together. I guess my siblings were more astute than I realized. Leslie asked me what was wrong, saying she had sensed there was something eating at me for some time. I tried to avoid the subject saying it wasn't the right time. Wiser than her years she explained that life is always complicated with something going on all the time, so if my reasoning for not telling was 'it's not the right time', it never would be the right time.

So, sitting in the house that had been our mother's which was then partially gutted, I broke down and told Leslie my story of growing up a Transexual. I had always thought that if any of the siblings would be understanding, it would be Leslie, because of the bond that we had always shared. She didn't let me down. She hugged me and told me that she loved me and promised whatever I needed in my journey, she would be there for me 100%. Then to show her support she said, 'have you checked out Mom's closet to see if there's any of her clothes you can wear?' So, I got an assortment of shells, pant suits, and blouses that had been my mother's. Pretty cool.

Leslie was curious and asked questions which I answered. She wanted to know if I had told anybody else in the family, which I had not. She asked if she could tell my other sister and I gave her permission to do so. After telling Leslie I was going to tell Lin anyway, but I let Leslie do that for me. After I got home, I got the sweetest e-mail from Lin telling me that she loved me, and would support me in whatever I needed to do. I had been pretty sure that my sisters would understand and support me. I wasn't as sure how my brothers would react. But, both Lin and Leslie promised me that when it was time to tell my brothers, if I wanted to do it in person, Lin and Leslie would be on each side of me for support. I am truly blessed with a wonderful family.